24 Hours in … Bangkok

Bangkok. You can’t really describe it. You just have to be there. Nestled in the southern provinces of Technicolour Thailand, Bangkok has, for decades, lured weary travelers with its cheap thrills and blinding neon lights. Whilst many would compare the city to something of a hangover, the capital has quickly risen to the status of latest jewel in the sparkling Asian crown. A cunning fashion sensibility, budding night life and the lure of Pad Thai for 35 baht has transformed the city into a refined international playground for jetsetters and traders alike. With a mere 24 hours up my fake Ralph Lauren chambray shirt sleeve (courtesy of my last trip to the capital) the city of contrasts beckons.

7:00am – 7:30am: As the newly refurbished Thai Airways Boeing 777 taxies onto the tarmac, my mad Thai dash commences. Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi Airport, by world airport standards, is nothing less than a delight. Be prepared to walk though. With its seamless façade and beguiling sails, I head towards customs with my tired passport in one hand and dead-animal-esque rucksack in the other. Bangkok airport is famous for its shopping, so be sure to drop into duty free for a spot of early morning Lancôme or Clinique to buoy those jetlagged spirits.

7:30 – 8:00am: After clearing customs and stocking up on essential beauty supplies, head for the exit where you can start haggling a price with a non-metred taxi, for a trip to the city’s centre. Forget Cezanne or even Rembrandt; successful haggling, my friends, is art. For a couple hundred of baht, a price should be settled with a driver. Enjoy the ride and if you’re anything like me, take the opportunity to stick your head out the taxi window, iPod headphones blaring the ‘The Beach’ soundtrack as you breathe in the sticky sweetness of BKK’s early morning air.

8:00 – 8:30am: After familiarising yourself with Bangkok’s traffic, namely the motorbike, tuk-tuk, taxi hierarchy (note the lack of pedestrian), ask your driver to drop you off at Na Phra Lan – a bustling street easily identified by its Grand Palace-adjacent status. Take in the morning scenery, whilst entertaining your taste buds with seasonal fruits for 20 baht. Thai cuisine is a cornucopia of flavour and quite a sight in itself, so enjoy a dragonfruit or jackfruit whilst pondering the mysteries that lie beyond the walls of the palace.

8:30-11:00am: After a basic introduction to Thai cuisine, set your sights upon the opulent Grand Palace whose glorious visage has, for centuries, whetted the appetites of both tourists and Thai postcard companies alike. Allow at least two good hours to wander the palatial grounds. If there really was a jewel in Bangkok’s crown, it would be this place. There is more gold-laden Chedis (spires) in this place than the arms and necks of both Donatella Versace and her waif-thin daughter, Allegra. As much as it is for tourists, the Grand Palace is one of the most sacred places of worship for Theravadan Buddhists, so be sure to immerse yourself in Buddhist culture through prayer, chanting and incense worship.

11:00am – 12:00pm: A short walk east of the Grand Palace is an amulet market which operates daily. For all things souvenirs, keep your eyes peeled for glimmers of gold, tusk and jade. For those who like a challenge beyond shopping, you can start devising plans to evade even the most piercing of eyes at Kingsford Smith customs! The markets are perfect for people watching. If you’re anything like me, gazing upon bickering amulet vendors, Thai women ushering you into their clothes store or even monks shopping for pirated DVDs is a most welcoming glimpse into Thai living and the true charm of the Thai people.  

12:00 – 2:00pm: If being hassled by men peddling their Buddhist relics was not enough, hail a tuk-tuk bound for Thanon Rama I. Destination – MBK Centre and Siam Paragon; AKA Shopping Mecca! Clothing, leather goods, souvenirs, clothing, cosmetics, electronics, jewellery, clothing, music, DVDs and clothing are all but a few kinds of items proudly being sold by the centres’ persistent sellers. The price is right too – just remember to put your haggling face on and never accept the first price for that faux-alligator Hermes carry-all. If your ready to trade in your fakes for the real thing, then a brisk walk across the skybridge will lead you to Siam Paragon; a place for all those dreamers out there. Chloé, Chanel, and Cartier are just some of the designers gracing the wide avenues of this palatial-like complex! Thais in general have a cunning fashion sense, a country where brands are everything!

2:00-3:00pm: All this shopping has made you hungry, right? For an authentic culinary experience, why not dig into a bowl of fiery Tom Yum, Laksa, Pad Thai or Pad See Ew at a nearby street stall? You will never be left hungry in Thailand. Whack a Singha Beer (or two) onto your order and you’ll have an authentic culinary treat in exchange for your Thai pocket change!

3:00-4:00pm: Why not stop off for a famous Thai massage? The skilled hands of the seasoned masseurs will be sure to work away any kinks from a morning of lugging shopping bags and ‘authentic’ designer bags. If you think an hour long massage at one of the many massage parlours lining the streets would be expensive, think again. The savvy Thai haggler would not be caught paying any more than $8 AUD or so for this posturepedic joy!

4:00 – 6pm: Okay. Let’s get one thing straight. Bangkok is party central and any Thai teen can out-party and out-dance even the hardest of Hiltons. You are going to need threads i.e. a dress to go with that oh-so-so adorable pair of fake Louboutin espadrilles you bought at MBK. Destination – Chatachuk Weekend Markets. This is the start and end of market heaven. After negotiating a price with your worst enemy – the interminable tuk-tuk driver – here comes the difficult task of negotiating the 160 hectares of stalls sprawled across Bangkok’s northern suburbs. You wont see it all, maybe only a tenth. This is serious shopping territory and be sure to take advantage of unique Thai fashion. Bangkok’s thing is to copy Japan, so you’re guaranteed something Shibuya-cool without leaving a hole in the back-pocket of your new True Religion hipsters. 

6:00-9:00pm: It’s time to leave the capital’s outskirts and head back for a night in the steamy city-centre. Take the Skytrain from Chatachuk in the north back into town before embarking upon Khao San Road. Khao San Road will welcome you with throngs of tourists, the lure of cheap Leo and Singha Beer, more markets lining the already sweltering laneways, as well as the delight of even more cheap eats! Continue your culinary adventure by downing a Massaman curry or a few satays, followed by the liberal flow of more Singha. Khao San Road is where it’s at, so take a moment to lap up Bangkok’s pulsating energy by walking the cool streets at dusk or by sharing a pint with your new Irish friends at Mulligan’s Bar.

9:00-9:15pm: Find a restroom and change into that figure-hugging dress and aforementioned heels. You look good kid.

9:15pm-11:00pm: Time to get your Bangkok on. Hail yet another unmetered taxi and negotiate a price to Silom Soi 2 – otherwise known as the infamous Patpong Road. Despite its otherwise seamy reputation, Patpong is a great place for the somewhat naive traveler to explore the city some more as well as shop for a few more fake wares. After checking out the dimly-lit stalls in Patpong, why not head into one of the nearby clubs. Thai and Buddhist philosophy embraces a tolerant worldview, reflected in the large homosexual and transsexual community that further colours the already vibrant backdrop of Patpong’s neon nightlife. Head into G.O.D (Guys on Demand) or a similar dance-club where you can test out your new threads and killer moves against the masses of Thai locals and tourists. If you have consumed just enough Singha beer, you may have the courage to duck into an erotic Go-Go bar and prepare for a famous ocular experience like no other! NOTE: This is optional!

2:30am-6:00am: Many clubs in Bangkok will turn their lights on a 2-2:30am which is simply a signal to find another venue with even louder music. With cash dwindling and feet aching (though still looking fabulous in those killer kicks), drag yourself into a taxi and set sight upon one of the city’s more up market venues. Ask your driver to head to Sukhumvit Soi 11, where lies the space-age Bed Supper Club. This relatively new venue is an intergalactic clubbing experience like no other. Decked out with crisp white divans and a low hum of blue neon, sleep is the last thing you will want to do in this art-cool establishment, darling.

6:00am-8:00am: Throw your tired soles into a shared-minibus (found at most street-corners) and journey back to Suvarnabhumi Airport. After clearing customs and tending to your swelling backpack, pick up mum’s Lancôme Anti-Aging Moisturiser (with aloe of course), and high-tail over to gate-lounge 28, ready to say goodbye to the enchanting land of beaches, Buddha and fake Balenciaga.