A Trick for a Treat
Last Saturday night I walked out my front door to find two zombies on my lawn. They weren’t menacing in any shape or form – in fact they were quite cordial. We exchanged pleasantries as I jumped into my car. They had just parked in front of my house and were doing the intelligent thing of waiting till they got out of the car before pouring blood over each other. Wise. Blood stains in the car are a pain in the arse to get out. I then drove up the street and passed a gas station where I witnessed a 50 year old man casually pumping gas. Nothing unusual about the situation – oh except for the fact that he was wearing fishnet stockings, stilettos and had fangs. Next to him a van pulled up and 7 guys in matching basketball uniforms and big wigs all got out and grabbed a twinkie (the cream filled dessert…not anything to do with the guy in the fishnets).
Welcome to Halloween Los Angeles style.
Another year, another Halloween. Another American tradition I don’t fully understand. Let’s face it – it’s not something we really get into in the Antipodean world. I don’t ever remember ever dressing up as a child and wandering the streets looking for candy. In fact nowadays it seems like a tradition fraught with danger. Children playing dress-ups and knocking on people’s doors for treats; I guess I understand the treat part…but the trick? Did anyone ever have a trick pulled on them for not giving a child a treat? Has anyone ever said “Um you know what, I pick trick. Do your best. Oh and look out for the dog.” In Los Angeles I think it wise you always have treats. It doesn’t matter what day it is. Just in general.
In the US it’s big business. Pumpkin sellers begin appearing on street corners. People start asking you “what are you dressing up as for Halloween” a month in advance. It is truly the biggest party of the year. Costume stores begin their 800% mark up on everything from fake teeth and scars to every costume imaginable. Television Networks begin their relentless airing of every horror film imaginable – including the scariest of them all…It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Truly scary stuff.
But see here’s the thing. I’m not sure when this happened, but Halloween is no longer about dressing up as a witch, a ghost of some other ghoulish creature. It’s simply about dress ups. It’s the most lavish non-themed costume party of all time. If you’ve ever to been to the Rugby Sevens in Wellington then imagine that on a scale of a city 10 times as big. Ghastly and scary have gone out the window – now it’s about clever. Big props to the guys who strapped 42inch plasmas to their stomachs and became IPods. You can also dress up on masse. In other words get a team together, think of a theme and run with it. Or in the case of females it’s all about less is more. Which in my mind is extremely clever. Trashy Lingerie shops have taken over as the costume of choice. I must say I have never seen Little Bo Peep look so sexy. It seemed she not only lost her sheep, but also half her clothes and a good portion of integrity.
The pressure to get a costume together is an overwhelming thing. ‘What are you going as’ is the cry. And you better have an answer. Mind you for the lazy it’s a pretty simple process – most stores have a throw together outfit ready to throw on last minute, be it a knight or a cowboy and everything in between. Of course you pay through the nose for something you are only going to wear once and will probably fall apart if you even mention the word ‘Laundromat’ in it’s presence.
Now getting back to my front lawn zombies. The reason they were there was because in West Hollywood, every year, they have a massive parade and a general debaucherous night where anything goes. Streets are closed down and hundreds or thousands of people converge to strut their stuff or simply people watch. It’s a scene straight out of a Lady Gaga video. Not only because of the similarity in costumes but also because you just never know who in fact might be packing a penis. There’s a trick you don’t want on Halloween. “Hey guess what? Tada!”
And so all the ghouls and goblins, pumpkins and princesses, cowboys and cowgirls have all been packed away for another year. And if you are wondering if I handed out treats…then no I did not.
The trick? Don’t accept treats from men in fishnets. Or Lady Gaga.
