Most people think Christmas is about presents. Some people even think Christmas is about Jesus. But in actual fact, Christmas is all about reaching Boxing Day – which we all know is about movies. Rejoice people, the smorgasbord has cometh!
It’s a time for families…
True. So you have the animated The Tale of Despereaux and the Adam Sandler-ed Bedtime Stories. The first features your usual all star voice cast, including Matthew Broderick, Dustin Hoffman, Emma Watson and Kevin Kline. It’s tagline is ‘Small hero. Big heart’ so you just know it’s aimed at the shorter end of the crowd. Bedtime Stories is a slightly less bracing round of Sandler slapstick – as kiddy friendly as he can be, while still managing as many poor taste jokes as he can muster.
I want to avoid families…
Then they probably won’t be watching Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Firstly because everyone has sex with everyone else. Secondly, it’s Woody Allen’s latest, and not a lot of people are watching his stuff anymore full stop. Woody’s lost his mojo, but if you’ve begun to humour him since Match Point then you are probably intrigued by the presence of Scar-Jo.
I want to see Brad Pitt without a shirt…
I can give you that, but with great power comes great responsibility. For every Brad Pitt in his prime, there’s an 80 year old Brad Pitt in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It’s worth it anyway to see one of the early Oscar front runners. A fascinating concept, that phenomenal David Fincher visual sensibility, and Cate Blanchett round out a promising flick.
I want to see Keanu Reeves act like an alien…
So many options. Oh, wait, you mean on the big screen? The Day the Earth Stood Still is your ticket. A remake of a 50′s cult classic, in which ET doesn’t quite come in peace. He’s here to teach us all a lesson, so listen up yo. Independence Day with less fighting. Early word is, it’s complete crap.
I feel like watching crap…
Walk directly into The Spirit. Do not pass go, do not beg for a refund. This movie is reportedly a late break for worst of 2008. It’s a graphic novel adaptation in the vein of Sin City… but shit.
I want to redeem myself by seeing something that will make me feel smugly elitist…
Subtitles always magnifies smugness. I’ve Loved You So Long is French, but stars Brit Kristin Scott Thomas. Isn’t she clever? It’s a drama about family secrets and redemption. And, it has the aforementioned subtitles. But if you forgot your spectacles, your best back-up option is Frost/Nixon. An adapted stage play about a famous interview with Tricky Dicky, on the awards band wagon and directed by Ron Howard.
And if I want to stay at home?
With options like these? Then you’re insane, and I cannot help you.
