When you have a crisis on your hands, when you are facing an insurmountable hurdle, and if you can find her, call… Britney bitches. That’s the message I am getting from the fact the she is somehow the mediator in the Pussycat Dolls meltdown (“They call that a meltdown?” smirks Britney, “Amateurs.”). It’s the slowest band break-up since the Young Divas couldn’t decide. Apparently Nicole Scherzinger is planning to go it alone, and this has outraged her back-up singers/mime artists. It’s become so obvious that their latest singles have been released as ‘featuring Nicole Scherzinger’. Well the very hide – wanting to get credit where credit’s due. The sheer gall!
So who you gonna call? Why, former Hostage Negotiator Spears of course. Somehow, Britney has actually found herself as the lone sane voice on tour. Even she is shocked. She’s called for cooler heads, and business sense. She would – she’s the one that has to worry about continuing to fork out alimony. She then threatened them all with an umbrella, they backed off, and made amends by all joining together in a tightly choreographed dance number (featuring Nicole Scherzinger). Anyone else worried that they’re being held together by a woman deemed incapable of speaking on her own behalf in a courtroom?
Will the girl group (that made the Spice Girls look like high school friends who started out in a garage, developed an indie following and fell apart due to artistic differences) stick together? Stay tuned.
In other news…
- Dev Patel’s mum has confirmed her son is dating his Slumdog Millionaire co-star Freida Pinto. Parents really don’t know when to shut up. The matriarch is yet to confirm whether the relationship is set to feature Nicole Scherzinger.
- Lily Allen has confessed she called and proposed to a member of the Kings of Leon. Slight problem – she was too drunk at the time to remember which lucky guy took the call. I don’t know why you insist on confessing such things Lily, but it just adds to your charm.
- Speaking of confessions, Robert Pattinson has revealed he took up acting to get girls. Thank God the ‘getting girls’ part worked – all their shrieking blocks out the sound of me gasping ‘But he can’t freaking act!’
- Dolph Lundgren, bastion of 80′s/90′s action flicks has terrified robbers into fleeing, without actually being present. The mere photographic presence of the man was enough to convince the thieves to flee. Upon spotting him in a photo on the wall they promptly ran away, despite having Dolph’s wife thoroughly subdued. But you know how it is with those 80′s action types – they’ll never run far enough.
The only reason Brit is giving advice is because they’re bound together as they are the warm up act on her Circus tour.
“The matriarch is yet to confirm whether the relationship is set to feature Nicole Scherzinger.”
I laughed in such a hearty way it can only be described as ‘chortling.’
Dev Patel gave a great performance in the movie Slumdog Millionaire.”“
Dev Patel is a great actor specially on the movie Slumdog Millionaire,:,