There are a lot of Shoulds and Shouldn’ts in this life, and most of them exist according to age and gender. You should play with dolls because you’re a little girl. You should like running around, you’re a little boy. You shouldn’t be showing so much skin, you’re only thirteen. You should punch him back, like a real man. You should really cover up, you’re a mature woman. You know the words and terms; mutton, lamb, cougars, mid-life crises, sleazy, sad, provocative, desperate – all applicable to what we wear and at what point in our lives we wear it and whether we’re male or female.
Recently Kate ‘Waity Katie’ Middleton’s mother stepped out in a short coral frock that finished above the knee. Immediately the hushed commentary began. Should she be wearing such a short dress at her age? Is it appropriate to be dressing like her daughter (who opted for a ‘mature’ floor-length gun metal gown)? Sure, she’s got great legs, but isn’t she a little past it?
Navigating the Shoulds and Shouldn’ts of fashion is a minefield at the best of times. Navigating it as a woman is even trickier, and as a woman over 35, akin to a kamikaze mission. Just ask Michelle Obama, Hilary Clinton, Madonna, Sarah Gordon, Demi Moore (although the only comments you ever hear about Demi is how amazing and youthful she looks, so it would seem you can wear whatever you want as long as you’re skinny with a face full of botox … I means sunscreen). Too much leg/ boob is desperate, not enough leg/boob is matronly; you’re either trying too hard or not trying enough. What you can and can’t wear is intrinsically linked with your age.
The rash of backhanded compliments directed at Kate Middleton’s mother got me thinking – why do we adhere to such stringent aesthetic rules and regulations, when what we wear is one of the most visible expressions of who we are? Is it too much to ask that people can just wear whatever the hell they want because they like it? Forget about it looking good to you, or the person next to you on the train, or the mean spirited reporter – that garment makes that person feel good, can’t that just be enough?
It’s possible I’m being too Utopian here, and I’m sure you’ll all tell me if I am and then suggest I go and join a hippie commune (which I wouldn’t be averse to if said hippie commune was somewhere warm and I could eat dairy products.) So help me out here – should we reinforce these narrow-minded constraints that see men and women dress only according to age and gender, or should we just live and let live and get over it when someone over 45 shows a bit of leg?
If they said it looked fantastic, do you think publications like the Daily (Hate) Mail would have published it? It’s the biggest monarchy loving middle class housewife adoring piece of printed poo poo out there, regardless of what she was wearing this was going to make ‘Big’ News.
However I do agree with you, people should wear whatever the hell they like, but most people aged 50 wearing miniskirts and fishnet stockings aren’t really inclined to give a shit what people think of them anyways.
The Daily Mail would have TOTALLY published it if they said it looked fantastic – (trust me, I am well versed in the Daily Mail, I have a sick habit) – they’re getting their knickers in a knot because they HATE the thought of ‘that woman’ getting anywhere near the royal family. Anyway, I’ve totally digressed …
i think we should worry about “Dressing our age” upto a certain limit. If a 45 year old lady dresses up in something relatively young for her age.. and she looks hot in it. Then i think no one has any rights to criticise or pin-point her. i think at the end of the day, it’s all about how you carry yourself in public and your personality. It’s not always just about the clothing or the make-up or the beautiful (botox-ed) skin. It’s about your personality and social presence.
My mum is 56 and she carries off clothes-that might be unsuitable for her age-really well. I’m going to be a little partial here, but mum has the correct blend of attitude, grace and style..which really kicks her age outside the window!
Interesting post, Liv!
On the one hand, part of me wishes we could all just get over it and let people wear what they please without backbiting or snidery, no matter how utopian that stance snds. But on the other hand, part of me wonders whether we – women, that is – haven’t painted ourselves into a corner in the fashion-and-fitness stakes.
When we look at an older woman wearing trendy or slightly revealing clothes, our first two thoughts are often simultaneously (a) does she realise that outfit is too young for her and (b) how old does she think she is? We’ve got a big obsession at the moment with criminalising women who look their age – think about the double standards for female TV presenters over 40 compared to their male counterparts – but at the same time, we haven’t wrapped our noggins around the idea that there is pretty much no way to look naturally younger, i.e. – no matter how fit, peroxided, tanned and well-groomed a woman is, past a certain age, even if she looks visually more appealing than if she hadn’t bothered, it is still obvious that this is an appearance she has had to work, and work hard, to attain.
We are not fooled into thinking Madonna is still 25. Women want the semblance of youth, but it is never a strong enough semblance to fool up-close or to withstand anything more than the most casual glance. We might think older women look great ‘for their age’, but we never cease to be aware of what their age is – and even at the best of times, a fifty-year-old will nevr be mistaken for 26. Which is why, to get back on point, when we see an older woman wearing younger clothes, we are forced to wonder: does she actually think she’s fooling us with this apparal, that we will unconsciously downwards-revise her age because of it? Or is she genuinely confident and happy regardless of what we think, and does she therefore simply like the outfit?
If the former, especially if the outfit doesn’t suit the individual, we tend to sneer. Clearly, we think, the woman is deluding herself; she has an elevated, false perception of her appearance, and must be brought back to reality. If the latter, however, we are often stumped. We look for a way to put the woman in the first category – surely, no matter how innocent her protestations, she must be chasing youth. Or perhaps she’s more deluded than the first sort of woman, after all: in her mind, she doesn’t even need to make an effort, because she looks naturally youthful. Hah!
We second guess the sartorial decisions of strange women with alarming regularity and automaticity, and when we realise that men apparently don’t have this problem, or contemplate the idea that male expectations of female beauty are contributing to a heightened version of our problem in modern times, we get rightfully indignant. But we are still, I believe, the primary cause of our own misery. Until we start to come to terms with the notion that women do not have to be sexy to be beautiful, and that there is an age – albeit individually chosen – beyond which there is no longer a need to try and wow the general public with our shapely calves, but at which we must at least be comfortable with ourselves, we’re doomed to nitpick over every instance of an older woman wearing an ordinary summer frock in search of some mythical Age-Appropriate Dress Code.
But there is hope. Channel-surfing one day, I ended up watching an episode/special thingy of Trinny and Susannah, wherein they took a group of women over 60 out shopping for trendy clothes and made them feel good about themselves. The women started out in tracky dacks and nana cardies, mumbling about how they felt intimidated going into designer shops or nice boutiques, because none of the fashions were made for them or would fit/suit them, and because they were old and ugly. But by the end of the show, they were laughing, trying on everything, showing their knees for the first time in 20 years and having fun – not because they wanted to look like sex symbols or because they thought new clothes would make them look younger, but because they realised didn’t have to be 25 to feel beautiful, and therefore to be confident in their clothing. Which is the point.
Clothing is very much an identity tag for the lazy. With one glance you can tell who is a granny, a mother, a rock chick, surfer dude or some other stereotype. It’s not just about dressing your age, it’s about dressing your pigeon-hole.
I have a sister who is five years younger than me but we are both Gen Y so we should in theory, be wearing similar styles of clothing, but that’s not necessarily true. I dress more to the quirky trends and try to replicate what I find on fashion TV and my little sister will wear simpler styles she can slip on and head to the beach in. I am the poor version of a fashionista and my sister is the beach chick.
Personally, I don’t think clothes should be targeted at age groups, but perhaps body shapes. If you have killer legs, show them off and if you feel confident enough to wear something revealing why not? Who cares how old you are or what your body shape is so long as you rock the outfit.
I agree with young Therese. And I’d like to answer about older women being delusional about their fashion choices. I think some of the judgemental people are delusional. Typically people know how old they are – and if you’re past 35 you live with certain realities that are hard to deny. If others would simply think and regard even older women as just human beings they would understand that the desire to look attractive doesn’t just leave you at a particular age.
I’m 45 and I suppose I look youthful at this age, but no one mistakes me for a 20 year old and nor am I trying to actually fool anyone into thinking I’m younger than I actually am with my “youthful” fashion choices. I’m simply going on with business as usual, picking clothes that I find attractive and that look good on me. By now I’m pretty aware of my flaws and I’m aware of my assets. I just want to look nice and sometimes sexy.
What the “dress your age” rule seems to suggest is that once you’re past a certain age you are not allowed to want to look nice anymore or be sexy. And if you’re trying to do anything that is contrary to that message you’re accused of “chasing your youth.” And this is somehow pitiable. I think the truth is many older women just want to continue looking good and having fun with outfits they think are cute. I don’t know what’s the matter with that.
women of 40 plus dressing youngfor their age, what about 60 plus women, im 62 a 6/8, im told i look 10/15 years younger than my age, but i am sure there are some who think i dress too young for my age, i have just bought a veryexpensive black leather jacket, my skirts are justabove my knee and i wear leggings,ballet pumps boots etc. i was told recently by a man in the street i had a lovely arse, not bad for 62, i feel good dressing like this. we pigeon hole people far too much with whats appropriate for their age, are all women of a certain age expected to wear a nuns habit, who the hell wants to grow old gracefully, ive lots of younger friends i feel young i am certainly not going to dress like a frunpy old woman and if people dont approve, tough.
love the info.. always looking to feel better and look younger..lol. I def will visit you often! As I get a bit older its important to stay up on the latest fitness and beuty tips..
thx again…:)