From the Kitchen to the Playground
It has been a big week in old H-Wood. I would be lying if I said nothing caught my eye, but I would also be lying if I said anything caught my eye enough to warrant the usual diatribe this column inevitably becomes. I know you are all experiencing that disconcerting feeling when an absolute proves itself to be not so absolute … in this case, someone who can bang on about literally anything to do with even the most tenuously associated subjects of pop culture, is suddenly less than inspired by a pretty decent showing. The binger is indifferent to the buffet.
So, just looking around, I can see Gordon Ramsay confirmed something everybody secretly suspected but valiantly tried to ignore (perhaps because they were afraid he’d bash them) – he’s a twat. And here’s another now confirmed and long suspected fact about old guttersnipe … his twattish behaviour is largely inexplicable. There literally was no reason for his weird attack on Tracy Grimshaw. None. I have tried to get to the bottom of why he asked her, mid interview, if her mole on her lip was a wart, and why he then felt the need to add ‘it looks like your sister’s sitting on your lip.’ But the reason continues to evade me. And I have scoured websites and blogs to attempt to discover why he then, the following day, in front of an audience of thousands, held up a picture of a naked woman, with the facial features of a pig, on her knees, and said ‘That’s Tracy Grimshaw. I had an interview with her yesterday … holy shit. She needs to see Simon Cowell’s Botox doctor.’ Because no one just does that right? There has to be a reason behind it. I mean it’s not like crater face (sorry, just getting into the swing of needless insults) was struck by the comic muse on the spot and spouted a few crowd pleasing witticisms – he procured an image of a four breasted pig-woman just for the occasion. His dastardly stand up routine was premeditated. So you’d think there’d be some sort of … solid … reason behind it all. And you know what? I’m stumped. There is none.
He did apologise though. Which is nice. And he managed to get a nice bit of spin on it as well. Because it was Mummy Dearest who made Gordon see the light. Her voice that suddenly made him see that his comments and actions would have hurt a few feelings, angered a few sensibilities. And then she ruffled his hair and told him that if he doesn’t have anything nice to say about anybody, then don’t say it at all. And Gordon shrieked ‘it’s too late Mummy, it’s too late for this‘ and ran off to make someone cry.
So it’s all really odd. And the media coverage has been ridiculous – in proportion and content. Tracy has responded, Gordon has responded to that response and A Current Affair, Tracy’s family, has put together a segment dissing the Scot, as well they might. The playground warzone has erupted. In one corner, the bully who has been called out, and in the other, the smart girl who did the calling.
Cue YouTube, Twitter and Facebook flurries.
But I wonder, I just wonder. Gordon Ramsay was explicit in his labelling of Tracy Grimshaw (and Susan Boyle, for that matter) as unattractive, in as many words. And I can’t help but feel that many of the publications that have since expressed pure and unadulterated outrage at his knobbish behaviour are rather a little too comfortable in their saddles, atop their super high steeds. Disgusting, how dare he, yadda yadda yadda … and then, practically squeaking in their shiny saddles, they turn to address the usual suspects -
- “Let’s hope Chelsy Davy manages to get her poise and polish back in place come Friday” (implicit meaning, lets hope she’s not looking like such a dog when she tries to win Harry back).
- “Lady GaGa Unmasked” – ‘There was no sign of the lashings of make-up that have become her trademark and her blonde hair, usually groomed with incredible precision, was an unkempt mess’ (implicit meaning, woah, put it back on).
- So and so is happier than ever as she piles on the pounds (implicit meaning, found largely in the word choice ‘piles’ – ‘are you sure you’re happier than ever with all those pounds?’)
I mean when it’s out there, like, really out there (with four breasts, a snout and Ramsay’s accent) we get all hot and bothered. But slipping under the radar everyday, are offensive or misogynistic or simply irresponsible headlines that do more damage in their insidiousness than the more obvious ones like, I don’t know, ‘Gordon Needs to Stop Talking’.
Well looky here. And I said I wasn’t feeling the diatribe. This one even has a moral.
