Goodbye Cruel World

Having spent the last few days pondering the direction in which my life is headed, I was stumped and liberated at the thought of global non-existence past the year 2012. The excessive articles and propaganda circulating on the internet about doomsday and the second coming would have us all believe that just because the Mayan calendar predicted so, we’re all going to drown in mass floods in December 2012. Not having a connection to South America or Mayan beliefs, I find it difficult to believe that a calendar interpreted by non-Mayans regarding our impending doom is on the mark. What if, just throwing it out there, what if those terribly and wonderfully intelligent Mensa members who have deciphered this mystery and translated it for us plebs, what if they got it wrong? Or for argument’s sake, what if they are missing the following link? I mean think about it. What if, in some Nicholas Cage, treasure hunter way, they have forgotten to turn the page?

Of course, as any sensible and highly intelligent individual would, I have turned to YouTube to help me understand the meaning of 2012. After sifting through the various official trailers for the upcoming movie 2012, incidentally released before 2012, I find that there are many other people from various other backgrounds who also believe the end is nigh. As it turns out, one of India’s most popular yogis has also posted some enlightening explanations of what’s to come. Apparently the second coming will bring with it a new Christ (an Indian version of course) as well as four horsemen. Make of that what you will. He goes on to mention the usual spirituality spiel about evolving as beings and having the power within to create a harmonious atmosphere externally. To stay focused. All good points – though if I am to drown then I am not sure how much my ability to focus will help.

So this brings me to my own, self involved reflections: I am 26 and three quarters, have a decent job, seem to be saving enough for a small, very small, home deposit and exercise like a maniac to make sure I can eat ice cream on a Friday. I am single and happy, completely and utterly romantic by nature (and live in the hope that Joseph Gordon Levitt finds me soon) and have some direction about my future. My future, if all accounts are correct, which will not proceed past the next few years.

So what’s the point then? Do I keep planning and try to execute these plans in time with the hope that either the prophets are all wrong or that my swimming skills are stronger than expected?

I did mention that I felt liberated earlier, however after reading the above I now retract my statement. This isn’t liberating at all!

How will I manage to travel the world, fall in love, have my heart broken, break someone’s heart, fall in love again, buy houses ( I like property), study more, have a killer body to match the likes of Jennifer Aniston with Barack Obama’s intelligence, evolve as a being, help bring world peace, write a best seller which later gets optioned and adapted to the big screen thus allowing me to be neighbours with George Clooney in Lake Como and be a regular writer for Rolling Stone…all in the next 24 months?  And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. 

Ok so if we are all to die, then at least I can take solace in the fact that we’re ALL going to die. Though, I get the feeling that nuclear bombs and missiles are more likely to end us than mass flooding. It seems Iran is not alone in testing missiles and creating new weapons; China now has a new missile we all need to fear too. One flick of a button by President Jintao and this little baby could destroy an entire fleet of American super duper naval ships. Yay!

So what to do from now? I suppose I could tell someone I will love them till the end of time. It could hold true.  Or I could splurge my savings on a year of travelling and see the world, after which I would have more things to write about (I could potentially also find Joseph along the way, sipping sangria somewhere in Spain). All this expenditure and detraction from more practical matters might lead me to a more fulfilled end. That is if the the prophecies are true. Suppose they aren’t – then what?

In a world full of uncertainties, increasing interest rates, increasing violence, Miley Cyrus and the Olsen twins – is it really necessary for me to be so aware of the future devastation? To all of you who have been instrumental in reminding me about 2012, could you perhaps put your knowledge on hold till 2013? Conspiracy theorists everywhere, I challenge you to open your minds and come up with something better, something more entertaining for when I pay $17 at the cinema on date night to watch Jerry Bruckheimer tell me about how our world will meet its end.

 You can do better than a flood, I dare you.

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