* An SMH article has written of how three children with names that have ‘Nazi connotations’ have been removed from their parent’s care and placed in the custody of the state. Considering the children’s names are ‘Adolf Hitler Campbell’, ‘JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell’ and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, I’m going to put it out there that these names aren’t as much connotative as they are direct references.
* Adulteresses relax, your cheating ways have no bearing on your moral compass, nor empathy for other human beings, including the ones you love. It is your biological make-up that dictates whether or not you shall stray into another man’s arms, and those with hourglass figures, all eyes are on you. A study conducted by the University of Texas has found that women with higher levels of the oestradiol, a form of oestrogen, are more likely to engage in serial affairs, as they perceive themselves as more desirable and are more likely to continuously ‘trade up.’ And it seems those with roller coaster curves – a decent sized breasts, a small waist, and bigger hips – are the ones more likely to have higher levels of oestradiol and thus the ones more likely to capitalise on their looks and climb the Mate Ladder. Of course, who was hauled in as the prime example? You’ve got one guess.
* Oprah has commended Kate Winslet on her real breasts.
* Steve Job is taking leave from his job at Apple (sorry, there was no way around the double use of job) after finally admitting his health issues are ‘more complex than he originally thought.’ Apple shares subsequently, or consequently, plummeted.
* The man who won Wimbledon by default (always heartbreaking, lest we forget Mauresmo’s Australian Open win-by-default when Henin withdrew halfway through the match – they were not tears of joy streaming down Mauresmo’s face) has died at the age of 97. Sidney Wood managed to win Wimbledon without setting foot on court, after his opponent, Frank Shields, injured himself in the semi finals and made the was pressured by American officials to withdraw, in order to rest up for the impending Davis Cup. I am absolutely certain Frank regretted that for the rest of his life.
* According to that zenith of Australian journalism, The Daily Telegraph, an Australian Navy Submarine Commander has suggested female sailors don bikinis in order to boost recruitment. A large photo of a woman in a bikini, cleverly photo-shopped next to the nose of a submarine (which nudges in at crotch level) bears the hot pink title of Sub Standard Sex Gaffe, which doesn’t nearly fulfill its pun potential, but the DT can’t be on form everyday. Apparently Commander Phillips made a quip to men’s magazine Ralph, when asked if it were a rule that all women sailors had to be ‘hot’ and ‘wear bikinis’, would that help recruitment. He responded ‘”It would certainly get the right demographic of young men in. I’m not sure how feasible it is, however.” And somewhere, an overzealous journalist, hungry for a big, front page story, has decided this is clearly Commander Phillips launching his own, innovative, brand new recruitment policy via a men’s magazine which puts Mercedes Corby on the cover. We have the prerequisite experts weighing in on how it encourages the Navy to see women for their bodies, not for their brains (well, the Navy and the rest of the non-Navy world who are being encouraged to apply to work alongside hot sailor women in bikinis) and politicians getting their knickers in a knot while simultaneously imagining female sailors in bikinis mopping down decks and polishing masts. Here’s an idea – Ralph, why don’t you just not ask such stupid questions, and Daily Telegraph, if you’re so concerned as to how women are portrayed, why don’t you try for an image that isn’t a submarine nudging at a bikini clad woman’s crotch, next time? An image of hardworking female sailors wearing routine navy uniforms would have been suffice, and made your point to boot. You’re all as bad as each other, go wash your hands and sit in the naughty corner.
* Lara Bingle and Michael Clarke are denying rumours their relationship has entered rough terrain. This is weeks after Bingle was crucified for zooming about town in an expensive car (a gift from Clarke) in this sensitive time of Recession.
* There exists a secret plot to topple Nathan Rees. Or, a not so secret plot.
* Mark Philipoussis has split from his model girlfriend. No I don’t know her name, no I didn’t even know she was a model, no, no one really cares.
