The theme park. Every city has one. They range in size and excitement level and each boasts a little something different to the next. In Sydney we have Luna Park … not anything like it was in its hey-day when the Wild Mouse bordered on being condemned, and not so exciting since they shut down the rollercoaster when the neighbours complained about all the screaming. As an aside, who in their right mind moves next door to a rollercoaster? And then complains about the noise? Sydneysiders that’s who. The same ones that move into a house in the flight path of Sydney airport and then complain about all the planes landing over their house. So to go satisfy that rollercoaster feeling one had to venture out west to the now defunct Australia’s Wonderland. Of course Queensland still has Wet and Wild, Warner Bros Movie World and Dreamworld. But then who wants to go to Queensland. There are too many … well … Queenslanders. And if you’ve ever been to Universal Studios in LA then Movie World seems like a poor cousin indeed. Universal Studios backlot is where they filmed Jurassic Park, Apollo 13, Psycho, Back To The Future, War Of The Worlds, Spiderman 2. Warner Bros Movie World? Scooby Doo, Ghost Ship, Sabrina Downunder, Crocodile Dundee in LA, Fool’s Gold. I rest my case.
Every time I have been to Los Angeles since the age of 7, I have partaken of the local theme parks. And a diverse lot they are too. Last week, though, I finally visited the one theme park that had eluded me – Six Flags Magic Mountain. A mecca of rollercoasters and overpriced food. Their theme is loosely based around Warner Bros characters – Daffy Duck, Tweetie Pie and then some sort of Man from Atlantis. An eclectic mix. It is also the place to live out your inner superhero. But it’s the rollercoasters that people come to see. You can sit down, stand up, lay down, fly through the air, hang upside down, loop, drop, duck and roll. With names like The Screamer, The Colossus, and Goliath, you more or less know what you are in for. For me I thought the names of the rides could have been even more accurate. Though I’m not sure people would be keen to ride The Headache, The Pants Filler or the The Castrator.
It’s here that the American love of a good queue is well rewarded. Seriously – they relish standing in line. I got in line for the first ride of the day at 11am. I got off the ride at 1.45pm. The ride only goes for 2 minutes. You do the math. Of course had a known I would be standing in line for 2.5 hours I would have bought something to eat. Like a fully catered picnic. Just don’t buy anything from the inside the park unless you feel that $6 for a bag of candy floss and $3.75 for a Snickers Bar is a good deal. If you do, gimme a call – I have some non stick cellotape you might be interested in.
It got me thinking of the other theme parks that Los Angeles is famous for and I tried to think back to a time when, as a kid, I really thought they were all cool enough to justify a 2.5 hour wait for a 2 minute ride. But then this is the city that sits in traffic for 2.5hours just to make the 26 mile journey home.
One may as well start with Knott’s Berry Farm – which they claim is “America’s First Theme Park”, and home of Snoopy and the gang. Effectively it’s a theme park that started as Fried Chicken Restaurant. I kid you not. At one point in 1940 the restaurant was serving 4,000 diners on a Sunday evening so they created an Old West Ghost Town to keep diners amused while they waited, which became their first themed area. That must have been some good fried chicken. But a ghost town? What was the reasoning there – scare the crap out the diners so they’ll have more room for chicken once they get in? Someone’s thinking.
Of course, Disneyland is the most famous of all. I have been to Disneyland every time I have come here since the 80′s. Sadly it has never changed. I’m pretty sure It’s A Small World still has countries that Madonna hasn’t adopted a child from yet … like Siam. Even the world map out the front seems to be missing Iceland and Greenland. Probably as they hadn’t been discovered at the time of the map’s making. I do find it disconcerting that I went to see the Pirates Of The Caribbean because it was based on the cool ride at Disneyland. Now, kids go to Disneyland thinking that the ride is based on the movie. That just makes me feel old.
A number of years ago, across the road in the old Disneyland car-park, they built California Adventure. It’s theme is … well … California. And Pixar. And The Muppets. Although one has to question why you would name the rides ‘California Screamin’, ‘Mulholland Madness’ and ‘The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror’. To me that more or less describes driving over Laurel Canyon in rush hour traffic and then continually seeing parking spots disappear before your eyes. And unfortunately for Disney you will probably find more people sitting in a traffic jam than inside California Adventure. One wonders what marketing genius came up with the concept of having people come to California and pay $50 to experience life in California. By that logic they should pay as soon as they get off the plane or cross the state border. Secretly I think Macquarie has been doing it for years – nothing else could explain the taxes you have to pay just to arrive at Sydney airport. It’s like the Truman Show – secretly everyone in Sydney is living in a theme park. They just don’t know it.
But lets face it people. The best rollercoaster is life itself with all its ups and down, and the ability to be flipped on its head in an instant. I have more crazy characters in my life than Disney or Warner Bros could ever come up with. And I don’t even have to pay for the privilege. So I shall leave it to words of Incubus -
“Life is a rollercoaster. And I am not strapped in. Maybe I should hold with care, but my hands are busy in the air.
I wish you were here.”
Top image by Girl Journalist on Flickr
Middle image by astakaren on Flickr
Bottom image Brad Hills sporting mean frosted tips
I thought it was the Brits that loved a queue? And you are definitely immersing yourself nicely – the ‘s’ has left the word “maths”!
True Tappo, but for different reasons. Americans love queues as it gives them a sense of order. Poms love it because it gives them a whole line of people to whinge to while they wait, about the fact that they have to be in a queue. Nothing wrong with my math…. ;p