Keep Your Pants On
So I have started to notice a disturbing trend lately. A lack of pants. Now before you start imagining me sitting here at my laptop sans underwear, I will explain. I am not referring to my own fashion trends, I am talking about primarily female musicians going on stage in what is effectively just underwear and tights. Now don’t get me wrong, I have no objection to this outfit whatsoever. And this fashion trend has been around since the Madonna days. But what I’ve noticed is that now, thanks to the likes of Lady Gaga, Beyonce and Rihanna, it seems that it is ok to go sans pants for pretty much any occasion. Be it a red carpet premiere, an awards show, in fact just heading down to the local Coffee Bean for a cup of joe, it would appear that looking like a superhero with your underderpants on the outside is appropriate attire. It raises a few questions in my mind. For example just how far will it go? I remember the Seinfeld episode from years ago when the new ‘trend’ was to wear a bra on the outside. Never took off. Much to my angst. I also makes me hark back to my favorite NZ television commercial where the question was raised regarding how far away from the beach one can wear budgie smugglers before it becomes offensive. Depending on the person of course…some people just shouldn’t wear testicle huggers period. Beach or no beach.
Now it may sound like I’m complaining. Well I’m not. Ok I was serious about the smugglers but anything else in my book is fair game. If you are comfortable, then go for it. But I’m a ‘big picture’ kind of guy and I can’t help but wonder where all this might head. I did see an article this week that leads me to believe that we may all be heading straight to hell. Apparently there is a new range of lingerie soon to hit the market. So what I hear you cry. Well it has a celebrity name attached to it. Again, nothing new there. However the celebrity in question is Miley Cyrus’ sister. Noah. Who’s 10. Now let’s just sit and allow that to percolate for a moment. A 10 year old attaching her name to a line of lingerie. Hmmm. Now what sort of adult female would buy lingerie endorsed by a 10 year old? Well that’s the thing…it’s not aimed at adults. It’s lingerie for kids. How is that percolating now? The line itself is called “Ooh! La, La Couture” and from my understanding it’s basically a collection of French Maid’s outfits. So maybe the term ‘lingerie’ is a little far from the mark. I see now that all parties concerned are now retracting that there were ever plans to produce such a line of clothing. But hey, this a girl who has previously posted a youtube version of a song about brushing her teeth with Jack Daniels.
Let’s face it though, she comes from the same stock as mullet wearing, hip shaking, achey breaky heart singing Billy. Fashion sense was never his forte so it doesn’t surprise me that 10 year olds in French Maid outfits doesn’t raise an eyebrow in that household. Seriously, remind yourself of this man’s ensemble and ask yourself whether you are truly surprised at the latest turn of events.
A press release from the company describes it as “versatile styles that can be worn with sweet ballerina slippers, funky sneakers or paired with lace stockings and boots for more of a rock and roll look”. There’s something about typing the words ‘lace stockings and boots’ and knowing in the back of my mind that I am referring to something a child is wearing that makes me cringe. In my day being a kid meant playing on the jungle gym, riding my bike to school and daring the more gullible kids to eat things off the ground. Fashion never entered my train of thought. I didn’t care what I wore. So long as at the end of the day I came home from school with my both shoes on my feet, a few new scrapes on my knees and elbows, and hadn’t been forced to swallow a worm, then I considered that a successful day. What I find very interesting about this whole new line of fashion is that it’s now a case of kids who want to dress like sexy adults. And yet when a cougar in her 40’s wants to look sexy what does she do? That’s right, she dons a school girl outfit. Irony can pretty ironic sometimes. Why can’t everyone just keep to their own age-appropriate day wear. School kids wear school uniforms. Adults don’t wear their underwear on the outside. I don’t think I’m asking too much.
One thing I do know is this. If you are the sort of person who now feels the need to find pictures of said 10 year old clothing range be warned. If you are going to look at them, make sure you are not in the background of a live news feed.
And for god’s sake, keep your pants on.
