For those exhausted by all things Presidential, there’s nothing more soothing than sitting in a dark room….
You’ve watched an Inauguration, and now the rest of the week looks desolately empty? Why not fill it with the warm, inner glow of an incredibly depressing movie?
Revolutionary Road, part one of Kate Winslet’s full frontal assault on Oscar, has arrived. It’s the tale of a couple disillusioned with their 1950′s suburban life. It is of course the first pairing of Kate and Leo sans iceberg. A common response to the film seems to be people can’t fault it on any individual element, but really didn’t enjoy the whole experience. In other words, have a warm bath and some fresh razors ready. A film can be worthy, but offer light at the end of the tunnel – this one doesn’t. You’ll need to see this in order to sound informed in conversation, but once will probably be enough.
I’d rather find an echo of a trustworthy father figure to make me feel both economically, and socially secure …
Then Gran Torino is perfect. It’s supposedly the last acting Clint Eastwood ever intends to do, but if you ask me that Hollywood stalwart will never die, and he’ll get bored eventually. Until then, this is a classic film of a stodgy outsider being taken in by grateful neighbours, re-heating the cockles of his heart and forcing him to take a stand on their behalf. Clint is the stodgy one. It has highs, it has lows, there’s redemption and a shiny car. It’s not a comedy, but it’s easy viewing.
I don’t like the new President, and loving strolling along grassy knolls …
Then you’ll find inspiration in Valkryie, though only because it’s about wanting to kill a leader, NOT because the new President is anything like the one in this. Tom Cruise stars in this historical pic about the most serious attempt by members of the German military to assassinate Hitler. Though the outcome is inevitable, the details of the plot are sure to surprise many. Not for Tom haters – the Cruiser keeps his American accent, which is reportedly very jarring. Still, you might find redemption in the rest of the cast, which includes Kenneth Brannagh, Bill Nighy, Tom Wilkinson, Terrence Stamp and Eddie Izzard.
I am over inspirational speeches, trustworthy authority figures and worthy thoughts …
Then you might feel like Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. You probably won’t. A truly unnecessary third film in the Underworld cannon which may not have dragged back Kate Beckinsale, but managed to nab almost every other cast member that ever had five minutes of screen time. So we have a prequel. On a positive note, it’s nice to have some non vegetarian, non tween friendly vamps around for a change. On a negative, it continues the series’ heinous run of sex scenes. It’s essentially an incredibly extended version of a flashback sequence from the first movie. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, rule yourself out of seeing this immediately.
What about something comic book inspired? That never fails…
I would actually say Underworld 3 is going to be better than The Spirit, but feel free to tempt fate. Samuel L Jackson slums it in this try hard spawn of Sin City and The Punisher, which features an unknown in the lead, and a bevy of busty name actress who should know better. Avoid like the plague (or just see the trailer, and thus the entire movie).
I have heat stroke, and am staying on the couch…
You have a good range. Shutter, for lovers of inferior American re-makes of Japanese horror films or Step Brothers for fans of Will Ferrel’s increasingly stale man-child, non sequitur humour. There’s Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging for teen comedy aficionados who want to branch into the British version, and Eagle Eye for a good old fashioned nonsensical thriller.
