Postcard from: A Camping Virgin

Dear Trespass,

I’m sleeping with a beanie on and there is dirt under my fingernails. I’m not sure if I’d call this a holiday.

There are things I know to be true. It’s perfectly ok to drink red wine with some fish.  Laser hair removal is a long term investment. And camping isn’t for everyone.

There’s a certain frontier-braving pluckiness that campers seem to share. A fascination with sturdy shoes and little things that fit in compartments like utilitarian Russian Dolls. Bear Grylls and his legions of manly followers may thrive on tackling nature head-to-head, but I’m pretty sure I missed that part of that chromosome.

Yet here we are – deep in the Blue Mountains in May. I’m marvelling at my companions shared guttural instincts, which are willingly pitting us against the elements. Slowly shelters are erected. Firewood is collected. Feet are stomped and hands rubbed to ward off the cold.  I’m wondering if the vial of L’Eau d’Issey in my toiletries bag is more or less appropriate on this trip than on others.

It might be obvious, but I haven’t done this before. I’m very good at choosing hotels, to suit any budget. My shoes sometimes have bows on them. I have a high appreciation for nice smelling soaps and a relatively low tolerance for small things that fly and crawl. I like flushing water.

My thinking on this trip goes something like this: most weeks of the year we all work pretty hard to earn a crust so we can live in abodes  blessed with lights that go on and off. Add to that a roof that rarely leaks and a soft and welcoming bed and it’s hard for life to be anything but grand. So please don’t look at me strangely if I ask; what is the appeal of spending time away from those comforts, and sleeping on hard surfaces?

It seems its something about being close to nature and the source of it. Collecting stories to tell, and learning a few things about yourself.

These are the things I’ve learned;

- Boys like making fires.
- Without easy access to water, baby wipes are your friend.
- Food that comes in its own packaging and doesn’t need plates (flame grilled chicken wraps I’m looking at you) is worth its weight in gold.
- Marshmallows are good for morale.
- So is red wine.
- It’s wise to stop drinking a good hour or two before you go to sleep.
- It’s sensible to practice the pelvis tilting toilet thing once before you need to perform ablutions in the dark of night. It’ll save you from praying to the powers that be that you haven’t done a wee on your socks.
- Being warm is more important than looking nice.
- Perfume is worth taking. Particularly in the absence of running water.

And most importantly: hotels and warm homes should never be taken for granted.

xxx

Tori