Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is about one thing and one thing only. That thing is not giant robots, it is not gratuitous shots of Megan Fox, nor is it Michael Bay’s ego (though they all feature heavily). This is a film about goodwill. It’s about the fact that a couple of years ago a lot of people were genuinely surprised by how much they didn’t hate the first movie. Every conversation I have ever had about the first Transformers flick has begun with someone noting that it wasn’t nearly as bad as they thought it would be.
In following up on the original, all Michael Bay had to do was dangle the goodwill in front of us. The trailer tells the tale – a dash of the comforting, soothing tones of Optimus Prime, a nod to Shia and his wacky family dynamic, Megan perpetually leaning over something, and then some stuff explodes. I can’t remember the plot, but it all seems so familiar.
The makers are under the impression that the trailer maketh the movie, so this time there is no plot. Shia and the girlfriend that always seems to be bending over to pick stuff up are committed to a long distance relationship as he goes off to college. Then some evil robots come and there’s lots of running. Seriously, that’s as much information as you need, either that and the aforementioned goodwill is enough or this simply isn’t your cup of tea.
I could try and get into the limp mythology they hang this whole video game on, but if I’m forced to use the term ‘All-spark’ repeatedly I may lose all credibility.
This movie is so stupid it has to be a sequel. It’s from the school of bigger, longer and uncut – it really didn’t need to be two and a half hours. The special effects are spectacular, and the visual flair throughout is brilliant. The only awkward moments with the camera work comes when the entire audience feels like we are collectively about to make it to second base with Megan and a horribly misused Isabel Lucas. It feels as if both of them had a special Bay-clause*.
All those deft character touches that made the first movie surprisingly charming are gone, replaced by a horribly forced moment in which Shia’s mum accidentally gets stoned. The ridiculous convenience of half the plot devices is mind-blowing – the kind of thing Adrian Mole would insert at a later date to justify his creative decisions. Sample logic might include “We need to double the hot girl quotient, and the hero needs to make-out with both of them, but with good cause … so let’s say he gets tongue-raped by a hot evil cyborg … and ignore the fact that this opens up a whole new breed of Transformer which we will then pretend doesn’t actually exist.” Or there’s my favourite “We need to get four characters to the other side of the world instantaneously, so let’s give a really old Transformer that power, but then he sort of loses said power and wanders off like some drunken Scottish uncle that just dropped by”.
I could go on listing, but listing seems petty. I saw this in a packed cinema, and the audience lapped it up. The most vocal section of the audience happened to be 12 year old boys, but the adults were just as bad. This is a guilty pleasure, just with a lot less pleasure than the first time around. Clearly the people making this movie knew exactly what they were doing.
* = denotes willing to partake in a violating close-up
