The Anti-Rape Jeans

Apparently you can’t get raped if you’re wearing skinny jeans. Skinny jeans are unable to be removed singlehandedly by a man; indeed they require the consent and assistance of the skinny jean-wearing female and thus said woman wearing skinny jeans cannot be raped. Following this logic, one is to justifiably assume, if skinny jeans cannot be removed by one person, skinny jean wearers must regularly enlist the assistance of a removalist each time they need to take their pants off; when they, for example, use the toilet, or undress at the end of the day, or even undress when changing their minds about wearing skinny jeans in the first place. Tiresome. But the things we do for fashion, huh?

So let’s recap. Skinny jeans simply cannot be unbuttoned and peeled off a woman’s torso by a man intent on raping her. It’s just not possible. He isn’t strong enough, the jeans adhere to the woman’s skin once buttoned and their successful removal is a collaborative effort. Therefore, if a woman brings a charge of rape against a man (a statistically unlikely event, but it does happen) and she was wearing skinny jeans on the night of the alleged rape and her collaborative removalist wasn’t present, it’s safe to assume the rape didn’t occur.

What’s so refreshing about this progress in the ongoing battle to have rape victims taken seriously, is that it gives those victims another reason to reconsider reporting the attack. Whilst once upon a time there was that quaint notion that if a woman dressed ‘provocatively’ (which, depending on who you ask or what rape case you reference, can be anything that isn’t a floor length muumuu) she was ‘asking for it’, now there’s the obvious truth that a staple of many women’s wardrobe doubles as a chastity belt. Another excellent deterrent.

The anti-rape jean, why didn’t we think of this earlier? Perhaps this handy feature of the skinny jean should be spoken about more often, included in advertising slogans, stitched into the labels; ‘wear these jeans and you can’t get raped, bonus.’ Of course, a second stitching might have to be added, something along the lines of, ‘make sure your skinny jeans aren’t too skinny, lest you entice a man by appearing too provocatively dressed.’ But that’s fine. Just some minor admin that might be required to alert everyone – rapists and victims alike – to the latest get-out-of-jail-free-card.

So let’s celebrate. This is a yet another great moment for women and rape victims.

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9 thoughts on “The Anti-Rape Jeans”

  1. I love this article, but there are some people who wear their skinny leg jeans too tight and are infact being raped by their jeans.

  2. Apparently the person who did the research was stupid. a clown can be raped. Why not someone wearing a skinny jeans too . The easiest way to remove the skinny jeans is hold it from the ankle and pull and if someones raping someone unbutton first that’s the easiest lol the skinny jeans wearer can’t be raped is just a myth

  3. I think you misunderstood the article, Olivia Hambrett. It’s easy enough for the person wearing them to get them on and off; but it’s difficult for another person to take them off you unless *you*, the wearer, cooperate (‘collaborate’) with them. It does not say that the wearer needs a collaborater to put them on and taken them off. I have experienced this myself. Skinny jeans in particular take a man quite a while to take off a woman, without her help. Simply, if a woman is wearing incredibly tight jeans, it’ll be more of a mission for the man to rape her, unless he has a nice private spot and plenty of time.

  4. If I wanted to rape you, I would cut them off of you. What tards.

    Are you seriously saying wearing tight jeans keeps you from getting raped? How stupid are you guys?

    A few years ago I was unfortunate to buy myself a pair that were so flipping tight I had to ask my fiance to help me take them off.

    I know how tight they are, guys. Get a life and stop telling people this bullshit. If you want to rape someone, you will do it- and the girl who is taken off by herself to a secluded area-she could have real chastity belt on and it still wouldn’t matter-if the guy (or guys) really wants to rape, they will.

    The best thing skinny jeans will do is maybe give you a second or two to fight.

    But really- you dont have to take off the entire pair of jeans to rape somebody! Only down to the butt. Really..Get a gun if you are worried. More and more women do and it is normal, at least here in the US. I do not have a gun but I also do not allow men to lure me places. Don’t worry about “being polite”. If you don’t think it’s completely safe, don’t go with a guy alone or walk alone! You are tempting predators.

  5. Lol I have been raped by skinny jeans a few times and once I was walking in a preserve here in FL. I had to pee, and you can only guess…I was so sweaty and I had to ask my fiance to help me remove them so I could piss in the woods. It felt like my skin had been removed it hurt so bad. Don’t wear those things-they are ugly and awful and cut off your circulatory system.

  6. The scissor rapist. The boxcutter rapist. lol. How difficult is it to remove jeans and how much would it hurt the person wearing them to have them forcefully removed? LOL WAY TO GO.

    I have also heard of this anti rape device where you actually shove this metal thing in your crotch and it supposedly shreds a guy’s cock. Really? I am not lugging around a brick in my vagina. I would rather just know how to defend myself.

    Take some martial arts training, please. Find a friend, preferably male who knows about fighting and can simulate an attack and help you to find your weakest and strongest points.

    A lot of people are raped from being too polite, so when that guy who seems nice gives you the creeps and says he’ll drive you home from some party, DON’T GO. Use your feminine intuition. It’s what it’s there for. Women can be so insecure as to think they should apologize for every little thing, put their heads down. You should have your day planned, and the places you want to go like a park or walk should be planed with other people. Do not assume that a country place or small town is safe. It might be “safe” and that could be exactly the reason why a predator decides to strike. Good people are everywhere. Bad people are, too.

  7. Sorry for all the comments but I have always thought of the woman as being the dominating gender.

    You pretend to be victims, but this is a lie.

    Search yourself-you will find a shark.

    A pure, driven animal-built to survive.

    Women need men less than men need women. That’s a fact. We are better air pilots, have more grace and an ability to plan than any man.

    We can masquerade as weak or ethereal, but that is our true weapon. Why not tap into your true deadly nature, that of the sea mammal, spider or scorpion?

    Use your passive aggression and turn it into cunning.

  8. @AmethystAscension

    Please stop saying that, this is a discussion about RAPE. I don’t care what you think is the dominating gender, if we’re talking about women being raped, then in these cases, women are the victims. Personally, I feel scared and vulnerable as a weak girl, and would never dream of doing anything against men either! Nor do I need a man- I would certainly pick not being raped and no men in my life, if having men in my life meant rape!

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