When it comes to rock n roll, starting a band is the easy part. These days, being in a band is about as easy as Pam Anderson on downers. The hard part is deciding on a name for your band. Let’s face it – a lot of the good ones are already taken (I mean The Beatles? – A pun like that doesn’t come along every day). So for those yet-to-be-named bands out there, here are some tips to assist you with the difficult task ahead.
Make it genre-appropriate
If there is one genre that seems to nail band naming 99% of the time it’s Metal. Some metal bands cleverly incorporate metal-related products or materials into their name: MOTORhead, HellHAMMER, IRON Maiden, and obviously METALllica all follow this reliable formula. The sub-genres of metal also approach their band-naming with unfailing panache. Some death-metal gems include Fecal Corpse, Corpse Vomit and Forest of Impaled. These are all gross and death-related – perfectly suited to the death-metal genus.
Is it memorable?
More than five words in a band name is generally unacceptable. There is an actual band called, U.S. Pipe & The Balls Johnson Dance Machine. There are various reasons why this is not a good name (and various reasons why it IS – ‘balls’ – heh heh), but it is definitely too long. If you have a ridiculously long name, people who try to Google you will probably type in the wrong name, and end up accidentally launching a vaudevillian porn website at work. You will also have significant problems fitting that name on your kickass homemade band T-shirts.
Referential names
Many bands choose their name as a dedication or unashamed reference to something – literature, film, science, artwork etc. Powderfinger is named after the Neil Young song ‘Powderfinger’. Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head is named after actress Natalie Portman’s hairdo in the film, V for Vendetta. Having a referential band name can make you appear well-versed in pop culture, but – beware the overly intellectual or obscure reference, lest you be deemed massive wankers.
Target or isolate?
Deciding on the right band name can enable you to really target your key audience (refer to Metal bands above), but make sure you don’t choose a name that could limit your audience or isolate an entire demographic of people – for example, many people won’t even give TwoDeadSluts OneGoodFuck a chance to prove how awesome they are solely based on their name. Profanity has become a popular trend in band-naming over the last few years: the Fuck Buttons, Holy Fuck and awesome prog-punks, Fucked Up. ‘Fuck’ is hot right now – but it is also unprintable in most publications.
Using your real name
This technique is ideal if you are a world-dominating solo act – Madonna, Roisin Murphy, etc. – or for a band that is built around the master-minding of one musical genius: Bob Marley and The Wailers, Sharon Jones and The Dap Kings, Elvis Costello and the Imposters. If the artistic genius in question happens to be a narcissistic dick, this approach might not be overly appealing to the non dick-like members of the band. On the other hand, if you are the artistic genius and your lesser minions try challenging you for an equal billing, go solo my friend (they were holding you back anyway).
Does your name have longevity?
If you are serious about your band and think that throwing out your day job for more studio time is a viable option, make sure your name will stand the test of time. Naming your band after a trend can significantly hamper your shelf life. Case in point: the original boy band, New Kids on the Block. They have reunited for a world tour this year and while they rocked the 90s, in the present day everything about their name is ten kinds of wrong: (a) They’re 40; and (b) if they went anywhere near the ‘block’ these days they would probably get capped.
A few words of warning
(a) Never let fans choose your name. As rad as your groupies might seem, this is the general public we are talking about and they cannot be trusted with important decisions – there’s nothing democratic about rock ‘n’ roll;
(b) Put the handbrake on any names containing the words ‘Wolf’, ‘Black’, ‘White’, ‘Fuck’ or ‘Crystal’ – the options have been exhausted and it’s getting really confusing; and
(c) Avoid using symbols in your name. Although this is largely unchartered territory, as a Prince fan I can tell you that having to use the Wing Dings font to spell your band’s name is as irritating as it is post-modern. It can also be a logistical nightmare when it comes to announcing your band at a gig – how are you supposed to pronounce this:
At the end of the day, band naming isn’t exactly a fine art, but nor should it be taken too lightly. And if all else fails, just disregard everything I’ve said and go straight to www.bandnamemaker.com. Rock ‘n’ roll!
It hurts my eyes trying to wade through the number of bands whose names start with ‘Black’ on my iPod. Unfortunately, most of them are pretty good and it seems particularly pervasive amongst the psychedelic/shoegaze crowd (who I happen to adore), but keeping track of any more would waste precious mental resources.