‘Inevitable’ is the kind of word that sets someone up for an upset. Remember how victory in Iraq was inevitable? The fact that Paris Hilton was only a short term flash* in the pan was inevitable? Hilary Clinton as Democratic nominee was inevitable? Well nothing seemed more inevitable than Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. In fact, nothing seemed more (sacrilegiously) boring than the inevitable choice – and I mean that with all due respect to Mr Obama. Seriously, he’s dreamy, he can do chin-ups for days using nothing to mop his brow but an economic reform program. But inevitable is boring (especially when Oprah’s already essentially pipped Time at the post with her ‘Most Fascinating People’ list).
There was no serious alternative, obviously. I had been hoping for a late charge from the Shoe Thrower (‘Shoe Bomber’ having already been copyrighted to that guy with the actual bomb in his shoe). How about Britney? No, she makes Obama look freaking under-exposed. What about that little Chinese girl who Nikki Webster-ed this year’s Olympics? Oh, wait, she mimed. Time isn’t averse to picking objects or groups, what about The Economy? Oh, wait, is that a bit too much of a downer? How about The Tween? No, you’re right, we’ve given them enough already.
So we return to the inevitable, default winner Mr Obama. Apparently he won some election.
In other highlights …
- Miley Cyrus is reportedly ready to divorce her parents next week. Just in time for Christmas? Apparently she wants to grow up faster (you need a childhood first). The earth is shaking beneath my feet in these uncertain times – I’m still coming to terms with the new ‘Hilary Duff pretending she’s sexy, as opposed to perpetually underaged’ publicity blitz. At least Duff’s been around long enough to have a Best of Compilation (… 21 is as good as 50 these days).
- Russell Crowe is being considered to play the lead in a biopic on Bill Clinton. Then they realised he didn’t have the life experience to play a cigar, so they’re now looking at him for Bill.
- Something, something, Madonna, something, something, Guy. Seriously people, the phrase ‘divorce of the century’ doesn’t mean it has to last that long.
- Nicole Kidman and Baz Luhrmann have vowed not to work together again. Promise? They say it’s because too many life altering/shaking events occur whenever they do. I say they both need a new muse that will push each of them a little bit more. Golden Globe voters are probably pleased as well.
- In a terrible piece of casting, there are reports that Eddie Murphy will be the Riddler in the next Batman movie. Johnny Depp was clearly made for the role. Don’t reach for the razors yet though fans – this is being reported as fact by UK paper The Sun. They have also announced Shia LeBeouf will be Robin and Rachel Weisz is in talks about Catwoman. Also they’ve published an element of the ending. Yeah. And I’ll be Weisz’s body double. It’ll take a wig, some exercise and a much darker skin pigment, but as long as the nudity makes sense for the character, that’s okay by me.
* = pun
Time cover image courtesy of www.time.com
divorce? Oh please no… that’s the kind of thing that might spawn a Billy Ray comeback.
Don’t break my heart (the remix)….oh god.
Eddie Murphy is the best comedian that i have known, he is a really funny guy.”‘”
you can say that eddie murphy is the best comedian of all times,*-