Two big public spectacles occurred in Los Angeles over the last few days and they couldn’t have been more opposite. In one corner we had the gay pride parade and in the other we had the LA Lakers’ victory parade. Some people who hate The Lakers may be so harsh as to say the two parades could have been one and the same thing. I can tell you that those people could not be more wrong. One was a parade of men in garish colours like purple and yellow, patting each other on the arse and hugging one another … the other celebrated gay pride. Both, however, managed to use a fire truck to some effect and both did celebrate a happy ending.
With the city half a billion dollars in debt many thought that the price tag of the $2m Laker’s parade would not be met. Enter private investors to make sure that half a million people could cram the city streets and tens of thousands inside the LA Coliseum to see the victorious sporting team. 
When the Lakers actually won the trophy on the weekend, it spawned a ‘mini riot’ in downtown LA. I was amused by this term. What exactly separates a mini riot from a full blown riot? Is it measured in length of time that the riot takes place? Or is it more of a numbers game? Are more than 200 people on a 3 hour standoff with police considered a riot … and less than 200 going on a 2 hour spree just a mini attempt? And below that level of rowdiness, at what point does it drop in intensity to become a mere fracas? Unless my spies are wrong, I hear on the street that it’s about 10 people and 15 minutes more than a simple brouhaha. But that’s LA fans for you. What better way to celebrate a win than by throwing garbage cans through shop windows and park benches at passing busses. Class. If you think this is out of the ordinary I refer you to a quote in today’s LA Times from a bystander commenting on today’s parade.
“I was pretty scared at the last parade…but this one is pretty mellow.”
You know you live in LA when you can feel scared for your own safety at a celebratory parade. That would explain the overwhelming police presence at today’s festivities.
I’m wondering if, with all of today’s technology, it is only a matter of time before someone comes up with an iPhone application that can tell me where the nearest riot is. If there are maps with different coloured roads that symbolise the heaviness of traffic, surely there could be a map that tells me, via an elaborate colour code system, whether a mini riot has broken out or a mere garden variety melee. I need to know the safety risk before I agree to watch a parade. I would hate to think I missed standing on the side of the road for three hours to watch a bus of victorious players drive by because I thought a full blown ruckus was occurring, when in actual fact it was something more akin to a high school fruit-o.
If you think that the gay pride parade would be any different then think again. Well actually, it is in fact a colourful and celebratory fun event to witness. But a little research uncovers that the gay pride parade began to honour what many consider to be one of the foremost events in the history of lesbian and gay rights, the Stonewall Riots, which commenced early in the morning on June 28, 1969 at New York City’s still busy Stonewall gay bar. Again with the riots! It’s good to see though that in at least 40 years the tradition of making a statement of disapproval by a spontaneous violent demonstration is still the favoured response. It’s good to keep traditions alive. Some of America’s most well known events were riots. The Boston Tea Party – 1773. Riot. 
Some not so well known but fun sounding. The Lager Beer Riot – Chicago, 1855. In fact the supporter group for the LA Galaxy Soccer team is officially called the ‘LA Riot Squad’. Very clever, in a way-to-draw-negative-attention-to-yourself kind of way.
Funnily enough I felt a little uneasy and wary of my own safety when walking up to Santa Monica Blvd last Sunday to get a meal during the gay pride parade. But that was a whole other level of uneasiness. I’m by no means homophobic. I just happen to be a very good looking male specimen, with a perfect arse that cries out for a sly pinching. I can’t help it. It’s just who I am. Over the years I have become comfortable with my physical attributes, but occasionally I must realise that to others it may just be an invite for trouble. But if I am to live in West Hollywood I bring that upon myself. As a heterosexual male I know the risks and I choose to accept it. Where most people in Los Angeles would consider a walk to their local 7-Eleven at 2am to be a safety risk for fear of being mugged or worse – I only have to deal with a few wolf whistles from men with small dogs and even smaller shorts. I think I can handle that. At least I know if I feel a hand on my back pocket that my wallet is safe. Of course I jest. About everything…well everything except about having a perfect arse. I take the responsibility that comes with that very seriously and unlike Miss California, will do everything in my power to keep my crown.
Yeah, I know. I’m a riot.
