World Vision helps the starving, the Salvation Army helps the homeless, but I ask you this: who helps the child stars. The world isn’t just awash with the less fortunate, it’s awash with the washed up. For every Barrymore there’s a Lohan, for every Jodie Foster there’s a Tatum O’Neal. Oh the humanity.
And now, teetering on the edge of their unnaturally lengthened childhoods are the stars of the Harry Potter franchise. I suspect they have been kept safe for this long by the ocean that separates them from Hollywood. But as they run out of Potter movies to make, the time is coming for them to take flight, and the fact that for at least two of them said flight involves nudity tells us they are headed either to awards ceremonies, or drug-riddled obscurity. I’m referring to Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint (though there is an entire sub-culture of grown men who have been congregating online to salivate over the concept of Emma Watson nude… since she was around 13 … feel free to judge).
Daniel’s headed the way of an angry Mark Hamill. He wants to eject the ruder audience members of his full frontal, Broadway play Equus. This includes the group of girls who spent the entire first act calling out to him. This seals it Dan – you will never escape the part that made you. Embrace this, and the fan conventions that will become your bread and butter later in life. Rupert’s going British and indie. Experimentation awaits him, but Micky Rourke must offer some hope of salvation.
Watson, ever the practical one, has pointed out she is now so rich she never has to do anything for money again. Take that economic crisis. She’s clearly the cleverest of the trio, and with a business mind like that, she should follow in the Olsen footsteps (perhaps minus an eating disorder or two).
In other highlights…
- The eerie Patrick Swayze death watch continues unabated, despite constant reassurance from his camp that he’s doing just fine. The Enquirer claims his cancer has spread to his lungs. It seems they have x-ray vision and they’re not afraid to use it.
- Sarah Jessica Parker could be looking to cast Britney Spears in the next Sex and the City movie. That’s one way to try and keep people interested. Another is to make a new movie not related to Sex and the City, which has clearly run its course. For Christ’s sake, it ran it’s course on TV… and then the same course all over again on film. There’s no more blood left in that stone.
- Jackie Chan looks set to play Mr Miyagi in the upcoming Karate Kid re-make. Perfect casting in another unnecessary movie.
- Emily Blunt, the girl whose career should be as big as Anne Hathaway’s by now, may feature in Iron Man 2 as The Black Widow. Between Downey Junior’s drunk sass and her British sass … if this goes ahead I am pre-ordering my ticket now.
- Amy Winehouse has taken to stealing guest’s drinks at the hotel where she is staying, because the bar staff have cut her off. The girl can’t take a hint.
- Quote of the day is what every woman wants to hear. From Oprah to Kate Winslet: “God bless your real breasts.” Indeed.
