So what happened to the year? Have you begun to reflect on the year that was? Are you sad to see the back of 2009, or are you like so many people I’ve come across that feel it was a year of trying to polish a turd? – I hear you.
Having had my car sitting idle at a mechanics for three days, I type this with a puckered arse knowing that I will be hit with a bill that one does not need two weeks before Christmas. However, I am trying to put positive spins on what really amounts to Murphy’s Law. Or, if you’re British, then you may replace that with Sod’s Law. Bascially if anything can go wrong, it will.
I’ve done some research on Murphy and it seems to date back to some Airforce Engineer in 1949 who was the first to state something along those lines. If he were around today, I’m sure he’d have his own TV show. Think about it, if it wasn’t for him, we would never have had Funniest Home Videos. Mind you, I’m not sure you can blame Murphy’s philosophy when some kid hits you in the cubes with a baseball bat. If you’re stupid enough to give a child a weapon and not cover your genitals then I have no sympathy.
And that’s how I feel about 2009. Like I’ve been hit squarely in the testicles by a wayward kid’s baseball bat. I’m not quite sure if 2009 is the child or the baseball bat in that analogy. Or the testicles. Or in fact why this year has had that effect. However I do feel it on a global level. That the world as we know it took a hit to the nads this year. If you have ever taken a shot to the jatz crackers (and I’m tipping that’s not all of you, for various anatomical reasons), you’ll know that it’s a moment of sheer blinding white light followed by the inability to take in a breath for at least five minutes. In fact, when you look back on it, just the memory alone makes you cringe and wince. And that’s 2009 in a nutshell, if you’ll pardon the pun.
In golfing terms, I think we should be able to claim a mulligan. It should be within our power to say that this year was all one big practice swing and we’ll do better if we could have it all over again. So long as we call a mulligan before the year ends, surely then it would stand. Like calling a time out in NFL before the next play begins. I’m sure there are quite a few people out there who would back me up on that. Michael Jackson’s doctor for instance. Susan Boyle’s hair stylist. Tiger Woods’ penis. It’s amazing how just a small change could affect the whole outcome of things. If Tiger Woods had Susan Boyle’s hair stylist, Michael Jackson had Tiger Woods’ penis and Susan Boyle had Michael Jackson’s doctor, I feel certain that we would be singing a whole different tune about the outcome of 2009.
So what’s the plan for 2010? I don’t know about you, but I hate it when each year someone always mutters, “well it couldn’t be worse than last year”, which usually means that by the powers of Murphy’s Law…it probably will be.
All I can tell you is this: whatever happens next year, make damn sure you cover your tracks. Leave no paper trail. Don’t send texts or leave messages. And if you are going to stray, just don’t dip your pen in the pornstar ink. Because you will be caught.
That my friend is Wood’s Law. It states “with wood comes trouble”.
Well, Merry Christmas dear Trespass readers.
Thank you for reading my inane ramblings throughout the year and sharing your comments and musings.
Have a happy and safe Festive Season and see you all in 2010!
